Where do i actually begin?

I suppose I can start from the beginning, but, where actually is the beginning? Do I begin with the age I started to draw? Do I begin at the stage of Adolescence? Do I begin at the start of my Adult years?

Suppose I just begin with…

My passion to paint has become a real life fight. Let me go back just a couple years ago to the time I sat down at my desk and wanted to draw a Charcoal Drawing. A portrait to be exact. I laid down my premium charcoal pad and took out my charcoal pencils, charcoal sticks and some vine charcoals to begin the sketch of drawing this portrait.

I set up my tablet with the pic of the person I was going to draw. This was going to be a very nice charcoal drawing I told myself. I started to draw the eyes as I have done so with many portrait drawings. I always start with the eyes. If you are familiar with drawing in charcoal then you already know, its not easily corrected with just an eraser if you make mistakes or need to change some characteristics in the portrait.

As I started sketching I noticed some shaking in my hand. I said to myself, “Okay now David get a grip.” I took a deep breath and went at it again. Still shaking. This time I figured, OK, I just need to eat something because my sugar might be low. I took a short breather and ate something. Now I can FINALLY begin! So I thought..

“What is happening here?” I thought to myself. I tried drawing and outlining a simple eye and couldn’t. I’ve drawn in charcoal many times over so it wasn’t a new medium to me at all. Sometimes when you start a new medium you do tend to get nervous and the shakes will settle in, because you are not certain, you will do as good as you are with your previous medium.

After many attempts at trying to draw this portrait, I had given up on using the charcoal and picked my paint brushes back up. I was starting to worry because I thought the same might happen with painting. It didn’t happen. I was happy.

I tried going back to drawing with charcoal and the same scenario, the shaking was to much. I tried to draw with my other favorite medium, graphite, the same results. I tried with my color pencils the same as the two previous. Maybe holding a brush doesn’t require so much tension as a paint brush would I thought to myself? “That’s really ridiculous David” I told myself and I just chalked it all up to my age.

Fast forward to present year and the battle to creating has become a fight of will, a fight of determination and a fight of survival. For many months now I’ve been in a fight with my physical and mental well being. My mental health is a direct result of my physical pains and health diagnosis. Not only am I living in constant chronic pain but I’m also living with the fight to survive, a fight I don’t intend on losing as long as there is breath in my body.

Although I am fighting a very physical defeating illness, I still have the strength in my mind to keep going, to keep on creating. When you go through life with pain that exhausts you and the blood from your body that escapes you daily and knowing there is nothing you can do about it, it would have your mind lose some will and strength as well.

To some people whom no nothing about me and what I deal with silently, are quick to say to others, “He’s so Schizophrenic and Bipolar with split personalities.” Mind you now, this was said about me from someone who knows nothing about me and never around me on a daily or occasional basis. I laughed and chuckled at that when this was told to me from the person it was said to.

Mental Illness I do have, I was medically diagnosed being Bipolar almost Fifteen years ago and it never stopped me from living my life and being who I am. In fact, I’m a big advocate on Mental Illness and I speak about it publicly everywhere I go. So you can see why I laughed and chuckled at that comment that was, I guess supposed to be an Insult. I guess I really did have the last laugh on that one.

So as I fight the pain in my bones, the blood that escapes my body daily, the choking spells I get and the mental demons I fight with from dealing with this all, I have to give myself great credit for having the will to keep on creating.

Painting is what keeps me surviving. Without my talent I was God given, I may have lost this battle many years ago. The next time you see my paintings on social media or on my website, know that, blood, sweat and tears was literally put into creating that piece.

Thank you all so very much for being a fan of my work and Customart2imagine. I love you all for that.

Sincerely,

David

Customart2imagine