When I returned back to my passion after nearly over a year’s hiatus, I was ecstatic with joy. I felt unstoppable in creating pieces of art that got praises and going viral on my social media. I felt like I had created my masterpiece in some of them drawings. I was happy. I bought my first ever action camera that had all the bells and whistles I needed to produce great time lapse videos of my many hours and even days on a single drawing to bring into a five minute to 15-minute video completion. I was Cody Jarrett praising those words “Made it, Ma! Top of the world” for a brief moment I was James Cagney’s alter ego. Now, it just may all be over for me as it was for Cody Jarrett.

I had an MRI done and was medically diagnosed with ICP. The symptoms were all there for a while. Even when I was creating the symptoms were present but what did I know. I brushed some of the symptoms off as long drawing hours, low energy from lack of food, diabetic symptoms. I was wrong. ICP sneaked into the war I was fighting to join forces with my previous battles I was fighting. A battle I was winning and fought so hard to overcome but they were building an unstoppable force to defeat me once again and this time to ground me permanently. ICP is winning and I’m losing.

What is ICP you may be questioning? it’s known as Increased Intracranial Pressure. In Layman’s terms, it’s pressure on the brain. I’m not going to go all into exercising my writing skills with this blog as my emotions won’t allow me to get all technical with grammar and punctuation. If reading this seems vague, I apologize.

I’m more saddened than anyone may even know, perhaps only others in my field (Artists, writers, crafters of all trades, tattooists etc.) can truly understand what it’s like when you’re forcibly pitted against giving up on your passion. Does that make sense to you? There are many factors of this ICP that are preventing me from going on. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m alone. I’m scared. My art was all I had that was keeping me going. Keeping me happy. Keeping me safe. Keeping me from being a failure. Keeping me from becoming a nobody.

My symptoms of continuation of nausea, vomiting, unsteady gait, loss of motor skills, blurred vision, memory fog, numbness in my head and the squeezing of intermittent feelings of my head in a vice, is preventing me from pursuing my passion. I’m losing this battle because a force stronger than me, came to defeat me for good.

I don’t remember what my last drawing was or when I wrote my previous blog was unless I go back into my blogs and my social media to find the answers to those questions. I don’t know when I’ll even be writing another blog or an updated blog to this one. I didn’t want any of you, my supporters, to feel I just abandoned you all and my art by becoming a no show again.

If anyone wants to say a prayer or send a virtual hug my way, I’ll accept.

Thank you to everyone that has showed me love by reading and interacting in some way to my blogs and art. It means a lot to me. something I’ll take with me.

Perhaps this is the first time, Healing with art couldn’t heal me. I hope I have done so for you in some way, form or fashion.

Remember me as I am here in my most recent pic taken couple weeks ago and not as the broken person that wrote this blog.

Thank you for reading,

David L.

Healing with art