I’ve been away from my easel and paint brushes for a good spell now, and it feels like a lifetime since I last submerged myself in the vibrant colors and textures that once filled my days with joy and purpose. I may have hung up the brushes and stored away my easel, but I’m still an artist at heart, deeply connected to the creative spirit that drives me. I write to give you a deeper look into my world as an artist and the man behind the artist, sharing my journey of resilience and expression through words. I game not just for enjoyment; to me, it has turned into a sanctuary, a chance to escape and immerse myself in alternative realities. I started gaming fully for a while as therapy for my motor skills—skills I’m slowly losing due to daunting medical conditions that affect my everyday life. Ironically, it’s these same conditions that ultimately compelled me to retire from painting and drawing full force, transforming my passion into a bittersweet memory. Now, I can only hope to create any paintings as gifts or giveaways for my close friends and family, preferring to gift a piece of my spirit in the form of art rather than succumbing to deadlines that once weighed heavily on me. A painting or drawing no longer requires a time deadline as it once did when I was in full force, eagerly accepting commissions and pouring my soul into each piece. Instead, it’s about reconnecting with the essence of my creativity at my own pace, cherishing every brushstroke and fleeting moment of inspiration as I navigate through these new challenges.

I’m saddened as I write this. My eyes are blurry due to the wetness of tears that are swelling up my eyes right now, reflecting the turmoil within my heart. I truly feel a piece of me has died, leaving an emptiness that echoes in the silence. I felt alive and full, being able to paint my stories that were so hard to put into words, translating my innermost thoughts and emotions into vibrant colors and delicate brush strokes. Each painting was a piece of my soul, a narrative woven into the fabric of my being. I was able to tell those stories clearly with my paintings and drawings, conveying feelings that often eluded verbal expression; they served as a bridge between my heart and the world. Now, I’m only a memory. A memory to my many fans and followers of my art, who once cherished my creations and found solace in them. A memory to me, a shadow of who I used to be, flickering like a candle in the wind. I wish I had a strong hug right now and a shoulder given to me to sob away my thoughts and my feelings, to feel the warmth of compassion that I so desperately crave. I miss the artist of customart2imagine and the artist of Ohio artist; they were my friends, my roomies, my pals, and my lifeline in a world that often feels cold and uncaring. They were me, embodying the spirit of creativity and joy that once filled my days. Without them, I feel lost, adrift in a sea of memories, longing for the laughter and support that once surrounded me.

My gaming experience has started to become quite constrained as the constant flashing of onscreen lights and the persistent flickering of the screen during intense gaming sessions take a toll on my well-being. I find it increasingly challenging to maintain focus, which often results in headaches, blurred vision, and severe motion sickness. This struggle is particularly exacerbated by my Intracranial Pressure (ICP) condition, which leaves me feeling overwhelmed and helpless at times. Adding to that, I also grapple with constant weakness and tiredness stemming from a heart condition that has gradually crept up on me. It’s as if these health issues are all conspiring together to restrain my passion for gaming, as they whisper, “We tell you what to do now.”

Despite these challenges, I remain grateful for the incredible community of new gaming streamers I’ve been fortunate enough to befriend. Watching them stream not only provides me with enjoyment but has also helped create a sense of connection and belonging. The laughter and joy we share while spending countless hours together on social media have transformed my gaming experience. A special shoutout to my friends r3tro and shadow—thank you for the laughs and joy you’ve brought into my life through our time on social media. Your streaming sessions have been a bright spot amidst the difficulties, and I cherish the moments we share in this unique digital space.

I will not let my health conditions ground me down. I will go down fighting with the little strength I have left. I’ve fought alone since 2007, enduring countless struggles and opportunities that have tested my resilience. I have won multiple battles, wielding the scalpel as my ally while the Sandman hovered near, threatening to put me out for the count. All the while, I have remained vigilant against those masked faces—symbolic of the unwanted parasites that sought to take control of my body and spirit.

As I reflect on this journey, a wave of emotions washes over me. Making peace with my father has been a crucial part of my healing process. I’ve come to terms with all my past mistakes and shortcomings, understanding that they are merely steps along the winding path of life. Now, though I feel weary, I yearn for that final reconciliation—an internal peace with myself that acknowledges the love I have for myself. It is essential for me to express how much I appreciate him and hold him dear to my heart.

I want him to know that the roads we walked together, filled with both struggles and triumphs, have been invaluable teaching moments. Each story left behind serves as a testament to the lessons we have learned; they are threads woven into the fabric of our shared existence. I wish for him to realize that these memories have shaped who I am today. At the end of it all, more than anything, I desire to hear him say, “David, I love you.” Those simple yet profound words would echo in my heart and soul, bringing closure to a journey marked by conflict, pain, and ultimately, love.

Sincerely,

David L

Healingwithart