Whether it’s writing a blog or when I’m creating a painting or drawing, the headphones go on over my ears and the TV goes on to my favorite music app, and I click shuffle on my playlist of songs. The music gets my creative mind in sync and I’m ready to start writing or painting, as each note and rhythm sets the perfect backdrop for my artistic expression. I remember the days when I first started out drawing, a time when I felt that I needed complete silence in order to truly focus on my artwork. Noise was a distraction, often interrupting my creativity and my train of thought, causing me to lose my flow and passion. Now, however, I find that I can’t seem to go without having the music in my ears, filling my space with the sounds of rhythm and melody that inspire me and add a unique flavor to my creative process. As I put the brush to the canvas to paint or my fingers to the keypad tapping various letters to convey my thoughts in a blog, I feel an invigorating sense of freedom; each song acts as a catalyst, propelling my imagination and fueling my desire to create beautiful, meaningful art that reflects who I am and what I love.

Most of my playlist is made up of 1980s music, as being a GenX, I come from the generation that built music with songs that either made you fall in love or ended your long-term relationship. The vibrant sounds of that era evoke a sense of nostalgia, transporting me back to moments filled with joy, heartache, and everything in between. I love 80s music, and I find inspiration to create with each song I play, as they resonate deeply with my memories and experiences. Not all my songs on my playlist are specific to 80s music; I have some from later years as well, which carry significant meaning for me and my creative journey. For instance, take my young child statue that I had restored and painted. During the restoration and painting process, I would often listen to “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle, as it seemed to perfectly embody the emotions I was navigating. As I’ve written previously, losing my baby girl has left an indelible mark on my heart, as she will forever remain eight years old in my memories, much like the young girl in the song. The gentle melody would play in the background, almost like a comforting whisper, while I envisioned her there, with waterfalls flowing around her. This mixture of sadness and happiness enveloped me every time I worked on finishing my baby girl’s statue, reminding me of the delicate balance between celebrating her memory and grappling with my loss. Each stroke of paint, each layer of detail added to the statue, felt like a tribute to her spirit, echoing the timeless love and connection we shared, while also allowing me to express my grief in a creative way.

These are things that I could not openly talk about or tell anyone in my life through words, so like in my paintings, I expressed the love and grief I had for my baby girl when she left this world and left me forever by restoring this statue and painting it in her likeness. The colors on my statue reflect the tumult of emotions that swirl within me—each stroke a whisper of the joy we never got to share and the heartache of her absence. I still need that shoulder to cry on and someone who understands to grieve with me about my baby girl I lost so many years ago, but I have no one to tell her story to and that shoulder to cry on when letting go. Even those who have been so close to me for years still don’t know about the loss of my daughter and that I even had a daughter, which often leaves me feeling isolated in my grief. They would have known by my last couple of blogs where I finally tried to openly reveal my lifelong secret, hoping for connection and understanding, yet I still find myself shrouded in silence. As loyal subscribers to my blogs, they were privy to my thoughts, yet somehow, they remain unaware of this monumental part of my life, compounding my feelings of longing for support and companionship in this sorrowful journey.

On the days I see my friend who is so special and dear to me; I long to pull her aside and ask for her shoulder to cry a river about the profound loss of my daughter. That’s not only inappropriate but it is also not her burden to bear at her place of employment, where she is there to help others heal, not to carry my grief. I often find myself torn between my longing for support and the need to respect her boundaries. This internal conflict weighs heavily on my heart, as I deeply value our friendship and want to preserve it. When we sing together, sharing moments of joy and laughter. I carefully choose songs that don’t remind me of my loss or my baby girl, as it would be devastating to break down in tears in front of her and everyone else. I fear they wouldn’t understand the swirling emotions behind my tears, and I don’t want to distract from the cheerful atmosphere. Instead, I focus on keeping the melodies light and fun, creating a temporary escape from the pain that lingers just beneath the surface.

As in creating art, music plays its role in the healing process, but I believe for me to fully heal and grieve, it is essential to express my emotions in tears. I find myself longing for those intimate moments where vulnerability is embraced, yet here I am, wrapped in solitude. Each note resonates deeply, pulling at the strings of my heart, urging me to confront the feelings I often conceal, making this moment both cathartic and painfully beautiful.

So as you can see, music plays a major role in my ways of creating art, no matter if it’s on canvas, paper, or painting a statue. It serves as both an inspiration and a backdrop, setting the mood for my creative process. The rhythms and melodies evoke emotions that translate into colors, brush strokes, and textures, allowing me to express my feelings in ways that words often cannot. Whether I’m lost in the flow of a symphony or the intensity of a contemporary track, each note influences my artistic choices and decisions, transforming the blank surface into a vibrant expression of my inner world.

Sincerely,

David L

Healingwithart